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Weekly Top Zen: Out of Touch


Oh, hey, I didn’t hear you come in over the sound of my world imploding. No, it’s no big deal, really. I only have 100 other important graded assignments I should be doing right now. I can certainly take time out of my busy schedule to entertain all of you comedy-starved barbarians. No biggie.

Things may be stressful for me, but the way I see it, they aren’t as nerve-wracking as it is for Paul Babeu. Who is this Babeu, you ask? Well, the way I see it, Babeu is the sheriff who presented Arizona with the controversial bill that allows police officers to ask anyone they suspect of being brown and illegal for proof of citizenship.

Then he co-sponsored Romney’s campaign, just in case anyone thought he couldn’t get any whiter. Yeah, he’s a real stand-up gent. The kind of stand-up gent that has secret gay affairs with illegal immigrants then threatens to deport them if they tell anyone.

I’ll give you a moment to let that one sink in.

Oh, you need one more? That’s fine, I know that’s probably the slimiest thing you’ve ever heard of, second only to that time you learned what a slug is.

Three moments, you say? Well, this is a special occasion.

OK, good now? No? Well, I haven’t got all page. Moving right along, you can catch up later. 

Anywho, Babeu really drove home an interesting point to me, one to which I’ve been blind for quite some time. No, not the fact that Babeu’s law is reminiscent of Nazi Germany’s policy of checking suspected Jewish citizens for identification – that occurred to me approximately 0.5 seconds after first reading about it. No, what this whole scandal showed me was just how insanely, some would say cruelly, out of touch with the real world the ultra-right wing has become.

I’m sorry if this rubs some of you the wrong way. Take it up with Babeu – I’m certain he’s looking for someone to rub the wrong way right now. 

But really, how disconnected with reality must you be in order to think that you can get away with a secret homosexual affair? And not just any normal, secret homosexual affair. One with somebody from the very demographic you have suddenly made it your career to dehumanize and debase.

See, back in my day, politicians were responsible. They had clear heads on their shoulders. Yes, in the good old days, politicians had normal, healthy affairs they thought they could get away with it. Sure, every once in a while one would get a little wild and go the same-sex route. But they certainly didn’t have one with a member of the minority they sought to wipe off the American demographic map.

I dream of a day when politicians learn to get their heads out of the clouds and start living in reality again. Don’t overstep your bounds. Drugs, or crazy, somehow hilarious, affairs. Take your pick, you can’t have both. Thankfully, if Paul Babeu was out of touch before, he certainly won’t be in prison. Think about that play of words for a bit. Let it sink in. Get it? All right, good. Leave me alone and let me study.