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It’s finally here: The summer movie line-up

Oh, boy, it’s finally here. The summer movie season officially kicks off tomorrow with “The Avengers,” and I can finally stop scraping the bottom of the barrel for stuff to review. It couldn’t come at a more perfect time either. The movie all of us geeks have been chomping at the bits for will arrive, and on the last day of classes, no less. Yeah, I’m pretty excited. I stop short of going all-caps, though. Wouldn’t want to overdo it.
So let’s talk about what’s coming out this summer or, as it shall now be known: the “Dear God, Why Has ‘Think Like A Man’ Been Number One At The Box Office For Two Weeks? Can We Please Never Have That Happen Again?” summer.
First up in the DGWHTLAMBNOATBOFTWCWPNHTHA summer is the aforementioned “Avengers.” Movie fans have been waiting for years to see “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” team up on the big screen, even before the after-credits teaser in the first “Iron Man.” Marvel has slowly been building to this over the past few of years, using “Iron Man,” “Iron Man 2,” “The Incredible Hulk,” “Thor” and “Captain America, The First Avenger,” to build their cinematic universe. It’s already been released overseas and is getting rave reviews and breaking box office records. Expect a similar reaction when it’s released here, and also expect to see me there shortly after my last class Friday afternoon. Don’t try to, like, talk to me or anything, though.
After that is Tim Burton’s vampire movie, “Dark Shadows,” starring, you guessed it, Johnny Depp. I didn’t care anything about this until I saw the trailer a month or so back, and it actually seems as though it will be pretty entertaining. After that is “Men in Black III” because the world has been clamoring for a third “Men in Black” movie. That was sarcasm. I know it can be difficult to tell in print.
Next up is “Snow White and the Huntsmen,” starring Bella and Thor. I wonder how Kristen Stewart will react to being near someone so masculine, for once. I bet she stammers and blinks a lot.
The movie I am most excited for this summer is Ridley Scott’s “Prometheus.” I like the fact that so much about this movie remains a mystery despite the fact that they release a new trailer or viral video for it roughly every other day. I’m very much looking forward to Scott’s return to sci-fi, and this quasi-“Alien” prequel looks like it will be a glorious return, indeed.
Then you’ve got “Rock of Ages,” which I’ll not be seeing unless held at gunpoint, “Brave,” “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter,” “GI Joe: Retaliation,” which might be fun (I didn’t hate the first one as much as a lot of people did), and then there’s “The Amazing Spider-Man.” Yes, I do think it’s stupid that they’re already making a “Spider-Man” reboot, but I’m perfectly willing to give it a shot. It can’t be worse than “Spider-Man 3.”
I’m sure all those movies will be fun, but we’ll really just be marking time until “The Dark Knight Rises,” which is supposedly the final installment in the current Batman franchise. I’m oddly not as excited about this one as I am “Prometheus” and “The Avengers,” but that may change as it draws nearer. I think it’s because, at least so far, TDKR has been significantly less hyped than previous Bat-movies and the other big releases this summer. This is a great idea because it’s pretty well-hyped anyway just by being a new Batman movie, and too much hype can ruin a film.
A few more big movies come out after this, but I’d be lying if I said I was excited about any of them. Check back with The DM over the summer, and if you’re lucky you’ll get to see what I thought of some of these movies. And, I swear, if you talk during “The Avengers” or bring a crying baby, I will sigh loudly and say nothing.