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‘Wrath of the Movie Reviewer’


First the Titans clashed. Then the Titans were remembered, as they fought for racial equality and tolerance on their small-town football team. Next, the Titans clashed again as they were remade and converted to 3D. Would that be the end for our heroic Titans? Of course not; there’s more money to be made. So now we have “Wrath of the Titans,” the sequel no one wanted to the remake no one asked for.

Backtracking a bit, I actually enjoyed “Clash of the Titans.” It wasn’t high art, but it was entertaining and, boy, did that Kraken sure get released. Now, a mere two years later, we have a sequel that certainly could have improved on the first one and made for a highly enjoyable theater-going experience. But other than the drastic improvement in the 3D, “Wrath of the Titans” completely and spectacularly fails to bring that improvement. 

This movie is such a colossal mess that I really don’t even know where to start with my complaints. Let’s start with the cast. I haven’t seen this much wooden acting and stilted dialogue since the “Star Wars” prequels. Usual heavy hitters Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes do the worst phone-it-in job I’ve seen in a long, long time. Neeson’s facial expression never once changes through the entire movie, and Fiennes seems content to just be a boring, bearded Voldemort rehash. 

Sam Worthington was once on track to being the next big thing. “Avatar,” “Terminator Salvation” and “Clash of the Titans” all came out within the span of a year and people were hailing him as the next Schwarzenegger. Tangent time: as a male born in the 80s, I can spell Schwarzenegger without having to look it up. Anyway, Arnold’s charisma and personality made even his less-than-great movies enjoyable. Worthington does not possess that quality. He can do well in the right role, but he’s just not interesting enough to carry a movie on his back. 

Now, I could overlook the bad acting if the story was good. It isn’t. In fact, “Wrath of the Titans” is almost incomprehensible. 

There were entirely too many points during the movie where I just had no idea what was going on or why anything was happening. I’d be willing to bet the script for this movie reads “PEOPLE TALK — FIGHT MONSTER — REPEAT” and that’s the whole thing. At a certain point I just started zoning out and checking my watch every few seconds. The 99-minute runtime felt like an eternity.

So was there anything I liked about “Wrath of the Titans”? Well, no, not really. Sure, the special effects and all were impressive, but so what? What difference does it make how good the effects are if the movie is such dreck. After watching “The Hunger Games,” an intelligent action film with a rich plotline, I just wasn’t interested in going right back to insultingly stupid action movies so soon. I miss the days when “dumb fun” didn’t put so much emphasis on “dumb.”